Learning about myself sucks sometimes.


Hello there! Thank you for your time.

I’ve noticed in my thought downloads, I have a lot of thoughts that are “I like/don’t like,” or “I want/don’t want,” and it seems to me that they express both a thought and a feeling at the same time. So in doing the work in the Organize Your Life & Mind workbook, I find I’m not sure how to categorize these statements from my head. Your perspective on this would be appreciated.

Also, the following is my TDL and models from this morning, and I would like feedback on how I’ve done the models.

Doug and I fought today. Sort of. He was upset, got loud. I guess I got a little loud too. More about my reasons for divorce and what I want going forward. I just really don’t want to talk about it anymore. But I’ve noticed that anyway–I don’t like to talk relationship-stuff. It’s very uncomfortable, and I think I just don’t understand relationships well. I can do animals. People, not so much. Even though I’m very friendly and outgoing. I guess it’s intimacy. Emotional intimacy. I just don’t know how to deal, I guess. Maybe I can figure it out. I hope so. The more I think about it, the more I think I DON’T want another “relationship.” Romantic, non-sexual, whatever. I just want friends that I really connect with. I think. And myself. This learning about myself stuff sucks sometimes, but it’s interesting too. There are things I do/think that I had absolutely no idea about.

FACTS
Doug’s voice got louder. My voice got louder. Doug asked what I want from him.

THOUGHTS
Doug and I fought today. Doug was upset. Doug doesn’t understand my reasons for divorce. I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve noticed that I don’t like to talk about relationship-stuff. I don’t understand relationships well. I can have relationships with animals. I can’t have relationships with people. I am friendly and outgoing. I don’t know how to deal with emotional intimacy. I can figure out how to deal with emotional intimacy. I don’t want another “relationship.” I don’t want a romantic or non-sexual relationship. I want friends that I really connect with. I want to connect with myself. Learning about myself sucks sometimes. Learning about myself is interesting. There are things I do/think that I had no idea about.

FEELINGS
upset
discomfort
frustration
sadness
disappointment
fascination

UNINTENTIONAL
C I did a thought download.
T Learning about myself sucks sometimes.
F disappointment
A I don’t do thought downloads. I give up on The Work. I judge myself. I buffer with eating/sleeping/watching movies.
R I don’t learn about myself. I don’t evolve. I and my life are same-ol’-same-ol’.

INTENTIONAL
C I did a thought download.
T Learning about myself is interesting.
F interested???
A I continue to do The Work. I ask more & more questions of myself–and listen for/to the answers.
R I learn even more about myself. My experience of life is full of wonder.

Thank you again. 🙂