Getting started with the model. See below for one I struggled with today + some specific question I have about it.
C – My 8 year-old daughter tells me she had a bad day at school and one of the things that happened was that her Luncheable was already opened by her sister and some crackers were missing. She asked me: Did you really not see that when you packed my lunch?
T – That negative, spoiled brat, always complaining, how dare she point her blaming finger at me!
F – Irritated
A – Told her how disappointed I was that she would blame me for that and with that, I made it all about me instead of about her or about the facts. I continued to be short with her afterwards. What I didn’t do: Empathize with her, stepping into her shoes and imagining how that must have felt when she opened her lunchbox, believing the thoughts she was thinking, on top of not feeling well already. I wasn’t accepting the reality.
R – I’m role modeling exactly what I don’t want her to learn and take away from this situation! Which is: Blaming and pointing your finger at others is resisting the reality as it presents itself to you and not taking any responsibility.
– Is the T I wrote down OK in a model, or should it be a thought I’m having about myself? For example: Going one layer deeper: What do I make this mean about myself?
– It took me a long time to come up with the R. It feels profound, but I’m unsure whether this is fitting in the model. As I understand it, the R always reaffirms T. Does this R reaffirm this T? If not, what other questions can I ask myself?
– Is my next step to create an intentional model about this?