Let’s talk about ***

This is what came up when not overeat- satisfaction

C: Sex twice a year (with spouse)
T: I miss connection, vulnerability and intimacy
F: Frustrated
A: Indulge in over desire for food
R: Not worthy of intimacy, not satisfied

C: Husband doesn’t join me in the hot tub to relax
T: I am dragging him to connect with me as anything other than a friend, as a friend
F: Unattractive, unworthy
A: Try harder, showing up weird
R: Out of integrity with myself, unworthy

I’ve distracted myself in many ways down the years- career, tennis captain, triathlon, trail running, jet skiing, and a marathon. Our amazing nine year old, Girl Scouts, rappelling, mountain biking.
But I have no more carrots or sticks for myself. And this is tiring.

C: Sex twice a year with husband
T: I need to validate and fulfill myself in all ways so that I have no regrets in life (age 43)
F: Empowered
A: Aggressively pursue a career and social circle outside of home and husband, Go out 2x and 3x a week, ignite my life
R: Human connection to better understand myself and my desires, curious about where this leads

Is this common? Can you clean up my models, suggest thinking…
My goal is to keep my thoughts clean as well as not avoid any conversations.

In February it became clear, the relationship is 100% my responsibility. It was an amazing change. Yet, the C is the C.
What new perspective could I take on this?
How could this be FOR me? (I believe it could be but it is out of my perspective because of the pain.)

Many thanks