Love wins, and a gush

Dear Brooke,

I am spending the weekend caring for my nephews in San Francisco. This is a place where lots of grab ass usually happens but I haven’t been here since starting Scholars. First day, I consciously ate a gelato bar, tried to pawn it off as a joy eat (nope, not planned), and then was just anxious knowing I had to examine what was up. (This was my first sugar since starting SCS in March.) I delayed that work until the following day, but the magic came that night. When I awoke, sweating, heart pounding, as I knew I would from the sugar, I started in with the habitual self-condemnation. Then I caught myself. I had the thought that I could choose to love myself through this instead of hate. I have known this intellectually for a decade, but this is the first time I actually DID it! It was like the sky opened, light poured in, and angels sang. Seriously f-ing mind blowing. I was still sweating and feeling like crap but knew I would be OK, even better than before. I am so incredibly grateful to you for making this essential work so accessible for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And then? The next night at a Giants game surrounded by great old memories of peanuts and hot dogs and chocolate malts? I resisted. And whined. And bargained. Then, another light bulb, heavens-open moment; I truly allowed the urges. (I don’t think I really understood this until then.). I leaned in to how warm and crunchy and sweet the churros are, how salty the peanuts, how juicy the hot dog. I just felt all that in my body and enjoyed it…..and the desire to eat ANY of it vanished. Pure mind-blowing magic.

So excited for this adventure to continue,