Major self-judgement around drinking – even one drink

I have a history of over-drinking. I spent about 15 years in the rock music scene, singing in a band, with late night practices and shows. I used to occasionally black out. I used to drink almost daily, anywhere from 8-20 drinks a week, definitely to intoxication and excess 2-4 times weekly.

I found out I have a genetic syndrome which makes me metabolize alcohol more slowly, and gives me a lower tolerance, also. This eased some of my guilt around the former drinking: all the blackouts & hangovers. It wa partially the genetic syndrome making me have a worse response to alcohol.

Fast forward 5 years. I am now super healthy – and a health coach – almost perfectionistic about healthy food, drink, and lifestyle. I am a newish mom, no longer in the rock scene, and now drink 1-4 drinks weekly, max. Max, 1 drink.

But I feel so much guilt and self-judgment even when I have ONE drink. It makes it hard to enjoy it. But I still want to enjoy an occasional one! I want to enjoy the relaxation and ritual of a drink with or before dinner.

How can I allow myself to enjoy a drink here and there? No self-judgement. No worries about the past. Just be where I am and not overthink so much about “should I?” “Shouldn’t I?” etc…

Thank you.