Meeting with a friend and comparing our relationships 2

It can help to clarify your C. What exactly did she say that lead you to believe her relationship is better than yours?
> I was thinking that before we met. But I was proven true when she said: “We get along well”.

Additionally, sometimes it can be helpful to drop one layer deeper beneath the initial thought by asking “why”. Why do you think your relationship is not as good as hers?
> I think she is in love with her boyfriend. She doesn’t want to have kids. I am not “in love” with my husband even if I love him and if we get along well. I married him to have a family. I think that romantic love is better than marriage.

Consider running your answer to this question through a model.

C my friend says: “We get along well”
T I’m missing out
F frustrated
A In my head: ruminate, compare, judge, complain ; don’t create more contact and connection with my husband
R I’m not a fulfilled wife

C my friend says: “We get along well”
T If she knows I’m not in love, she will judge me.
F shame
A don’t talk about my relationship, judge my relationship, compare with her experience
R I make my relationship a shameful experience

I guess I’m opposing romantic love to marriage and family life. In my manual, you can have both, but it’s shameful not to be in love. When I was a child, I remember my mother saying about certain couples: “they’re are not a real couple, they don’t get along well, they don’t have sex anymore, they sleep in different beds.” I see it also in the production of movies and novels celebrating “being in love.” I’ve never seen a movie about a woman marrying a man to have babies, even if she’s not madly in love, and being happy. And people around me separate when they are not “in love” anymore. I’ve never heard anyone saying she’s not in love and fulfilled.