I am having trouble getting to the end of a model I am working on. My husband has anxiety and sometimes gets overwhelmed. Particularly when in a crowded store. He starts complaining about how slow people are walking and then suddenly walking fast to get around them. On the outside, it seems really rude and a little over the top. My first thought is “He is so entitled” because of the complaining about slow walkers and moving around them swiftly. But I’ve really thought about it and I think the problem thought isn’t that he is entitled. It’s “I chose a bad partner”. But I don’t actually feel this way in reality. It’s just the first thought. When I think “He’s entitled” I feel irritated.

Ultimately it’s fear that I made a bad decision that I can’t easily get out of. So it’s not even “I chose a bad partner”. It’s “I’ve made a bad decision I can’t easily get out of”. I’ve been divorced once but I know my current husband is definitely not similar to my ex-husband. I’m just basing this on a few moments in time at some random stores and my previous marriage ending in divorce. I think I’m stuck on the intellectual understanding vs. application piece here. When I think “Have I made a bad decision that I can’t get out of easily” I feel trapped and worried. I also don’t really hold onto this stuff for a long time so it doesn’t just eat away at me. But it pops up in situations like this where I’m basically not able to accept that he can and will act in a way that he sees fit if it feels right to him. I’m just having trouble wrapping my mind around all this. I’ve been listening to the podcast from the first episode for about 4 months and I’m about halfway through what’s uploaded. I’ve been in Scholars for about 5 weeks now. So thanks for all your help!