Model Help: Marriage

Newer Scholar, Week 3 here.

I am learning and growing. Still struggling of course. I know no one else is responsible for my emotions. I am married to someone who believes his circumstances are to blame for his emotions still. Hoping to help him ease into scholars one day if he’s interested. It makes it challenging for me.

I am slowly releasing him of the manuals I’ve had in place for him but he’s not aware of manuals yet and isn’t doing the same for me. He has crazy high expectations and it’s a difficulty in our family to always rise to the occasion and meet his expectations. If he’s not happy it definitely is felt in the whole house. I suspect he’s very frustrated personally and in work and so the closest target is us, but again he believes it’s his circumstances that are the direct result and “if we only met his expectations”.

Obviously a LOT of judgement in these statements.

I did a thought download and in all of it I’m trying to model sadness. Can I build a model from a Feeling or do I need to start with thought? I am sad. So my feeling line is clear.

C: Discord? unmet expectations? I think he’d agree to these but they still may be too abstract.
T: I can’t meet his expectations?
F: Sad
A: To growing numb to his big emotions or frustrations (which in a way is good, I’m too responsible for his happiness to start with, but this feels contrary to progress).
R: He’s frustrated, I’m frustrated and sad. It’s never resolved because I can’t be perfect (nor can anyone else in his life) so we wait for the next things that “isn’t done right”.

So much judgement and messy, I know. Help me make a clear model and advise on how to keep doing the work and moving forward when spouse isn’t on board or in the know.