Hi Brooke,
My father past away at the age of 55 last April and left rather unexpectedly a very old (10 years old) very general will. In this will he left everything to his partner and didn’t outline anything to do with money, his estate or anything like that – all to her. Needless to say we were all rather shocked, he was generally a fairly organised man who talked about the life responsibilities and had also been very sick with cancer for two years prior to his death – you would assume somewhere in this he’d think to update his will.
He created this will when he met his partner whom he then shared the next 10 year as a sign of faith and good will, which is great but leaves everyone thinking ‘what…..the…’ when death finally comes.
Everything was left to his partner, who we’ve all gotten to know over the past 10 years and have developed a fairly good relationship with her. However, because the will was so generalised and grief does many things to people rumours were started about how much money they had, how much we (he’s daughters) should get, about verbal agreements, fairness. You name it, everyone was talking about it. They would also prefix things with ‘She’s family’ but I felt like their actions and thoughts were treating her more like a person holding ‘all this money’ from us. If she was my mother I know these sorts of conversations would have been had – because someone actually said that.
My sisters want to open up the conversation again and ask for more money than we receive based on the verbal agreement my Dad and his partner made (which we received fairly soon and willingly after his passing from her). We talked to her a couple months ago and she mentioned she considering giving us more money and actually shared all of their bank statements with us, and also said she didn’t think the first sum was big enough but because of moving, settling in, the holidays we are finally able to re open the conversation now and settle things.
I’ve been working on my thoughts around money and before SCS I would have craved and ached for the money from a place of scarcity. Now I am 100% okay with any outcomes (a large sum, a small sum, a no sum). I also want to feel and believe and practice generating large sums of money in my life and don’t want to consider this sum to be the ONLY large sum of money ever coming to me, or the ONLY thing that will boost me in my life. Yes of course it will be helpful, I plan on using that money to invest in my business and self so I can create more income however, I also have a plan to create income outside of my day job so I can do those things regardless. In the same breath I think it’s in my best interest to practice asking for money – no matter where it’s coming from, and making sure that my asking is coming from a place of abundance and gratitude. which I feel in my heart it is and would be. my plan is to talk to her by my self and tell her what my plan would be for that money and come up with a plan that would work for both before we have a big group conversation.
My sister’s have the a different view, they believe it’s morally ours and that she has no claim to that money at all (even though it is was all left to her). They are both considering never speaking to her again if she gives us no money or less money than they consider ‘fair’. This is true for many other family members as well. I think I’m more afraid of that tension. My sister’s seem to be very conditional about the money and seem to have the idea that THIS money IS the money that will make everything right in their lives. I have many thoughts and worries about having a different view them them. I finally told one sister yesterday that I’m 100% okay with whatever outcome happens, she was pretty shocked.
So there’s family and relationship worry around it but most of all my questions are: what are you thoughts on my thoughts around asking for that money and coming from abundance and gratitude? Is money just money no matter who’s hands it passes through? How would you negotiating an amount of money? is this actually just sales? just ask for it?
any other thoughts or wisdom?
you’re going to tell me to figure out how I want to think and feel and then do what I need to do to get there aren’t you? 😉
Thank you in advance.
P.S Loving January!
