Money models – overspending, underearning

Can you please coach me on these unintentional models?

C: $90.88 phone bill due
T: I’m not sure I have enough money for this
F: stressed
A: don’t check YNAB budget. pay $90.88 phone bill.
R: I have less money (?). I fuck up my budget. I create the reality of having to reallocate my budget after I spent money.

C: I work at N/impossible goal to pay off $38k debt/I make $13.20 an hour/
T: If I get a better-paying job, I’ll end up feeling how I felt in my last 2 jobs (and I don’t want that)
F: stuck
A: don’t pursue better paying jobs. talk myself out of every job I look at. don’t apply. question if I even have any skills
R: I keep myself stuck and not moving forward with my goal.

C: Dad said “you’ll end up working at McDonalds”
T: I am not smart enough to get a good job or make a lot of money
F: inadequate
A: work at N making $13.20/hr. quit $65k job bc I thought I wasn’t good enough at it. don’t apply for better-paying jobs. keep working at N. don’t market myself as a web designer. think of all the ways I’ll fail in a new job and all the ways I can’t succeed.
R: I prove him right but only bc of my own thinking, not bc he said those words