The facts: my son is 15 and he had a friend stay the night last night. My 26 year old daughter called me this morning to let me know that my son called her at 1:30AM. He called to tell her he was high. She asked several questions and learned that they had “made a homemade bong” and were in her old room when they smoked it. She said he was laughing and appeared to be having a great time. She asked him if he was going to tell me. He said no way! That’s how I get my phone taken away forever! I went into that room this morning after my daughter called and saw the window was side open with a fan in the window and it was freezing in the room. I couldn’t find any evidence of this other than the open window/fan.

Thoughts: He’s already been on the cusp and makes a lot of bad decisions. This decision makes me fear for his wellbeing. He’s getting high at 15 and if he keeps this up, he may become addicted. I won’t sign off on his driver’s ed if I think he’s smoking weed. He pulled a 2.1 GPA last semester before he smoked weed. I hate to think about the rest of his high school career. He thinks smoking weed makes him cool. He’s going to totally struggle though life and be his own worst enemy and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Okay, I realize my brain is spinning out of control imagining the very worst. I see my thoughts and I know I’m creating this feeling of sickness and anxiety I feel right now.

I want to know how I can work on my thoughts and feelings so that I can show up the way I want to as his mother in this situation. I want him to know I’m here and I love him know matter what. I want him to know I have empathy, and I’ve been there. I understand he was probably curious and wanted to see what it felt like. I also want him to know of the risks involved and the natural consequences he’ll also be choosing if he continues down this path. I don’t want to be the Mom that freaks out and grounds him and takes away his phone. But I do want to create some natural consequences (like not getting his license ) and having less freedom.

How do I provide guidance and consequences without judging and pushing him away?