My daughter behaves better for my husband

We have a beautiful little 2 yr old who is lovely and perfect. But I’m feeling angry, resentful and unworthy because she seems to like being with him or at least behaves better with him. For example, on a Wed I take a couple of clients in the morning and go to the gym myself so my husband has her until 10:30. They usually go for coffee, take the dog for a walk and run some errands. They have a great time. When I walk in at 10:30 he walks out to work. I’m often left with a cranky, tantrum-y, obstinate child. The way I react isn’t great.

1. I want to blame my husband that he didn’t see her signs of tiredness and pressed on with his plans and doing fun things like playing instead of getting her to sleep. Though part of me knows she often wouldn’t give much sign of tiredness. I also want to blame him for giving her everything she wants. Of course she would rather be with him if he never says no to her.

2. I’m resentful of my husband. Why do I have to deal with this and he doesn’t??!! This is unfair. Life should be fair.

3. Then I turn on myself. What am I doing wrong? He must be a better parent. I’m wrong/ bad, he’s good.

4. Then also it’s never going to change. It’s going to be like this forever!

When I’m with her I try not to make it a problem but all of this is going on and I eventually get impatient and snappy and forceful and just make her do what I want her to do, which then fuels the belief that he’s better, I’m bad and I feel shit again.