My husband is such a people pleaser to the world, sometimes over the top pleaser. Yet when it comes to our personal relationship with me it is very hard for him to express his feelings. It is very hard for him to have eye to eye contact with me when I want to feel such connection. His mother is this way and I know looking back 30 years of marriage that he has always been sort of this way but now that we are empty nesters it is really hard as I want our connection to be very close. I’m trying SO hard to put this in a model so I feel loved and connected to him.
Please help me figure out the models.

My Husbands Model ( in my words )
C: It is Hard to share my feelings/thoughts/look eye to eye , show any emotions,connect on a very personal level.
T: I don’t know what to say or do
F: anxious, as I’m so uncomfortable talking about feelings/emotions/ and showing my heart
A: I keep VERY busy by doing things for others.
R: Everyone is very happy with me but my wife wants a deeper connection.

My Model about him
C: It is hard for my husband to have eye contact , share emotions/feelings with me.
T: no eye contact to me means no deep connection so I feel he doesn’t have interest in me
F: lonely as I don’t feel a deep connection with him
A: I’m anxious around him because I’m always aware of his eyes looking elsewhere and not looking at me while talking.(but he can have eye contact with everyone else)
R: I get sad, lonely and the feeling of not loved.

My new model
C: My husband has a hard time with eye to eye connection with me , share emotions.
T: This is very hard for him but I know he loves me and he would do anything for me.
F: My “feeling connected ” is different then his.
A: I need to find my way to feel connected as I can’t change him
R: I feel connected , loved and worthy.

How do I find a way to feel connected with him when his ” feeling connected” is so different than mine?

Help me understand how to process this. Thank you so much!

WOW…. that felt good to write all that!! Have a blessed day!