Ok, so I just now binged.

I just now wayyy overate and this was not planned at all whatsoever.

Emotionally I feel numb and my stomach hurts very badly. Needless to say, I know exactly why I used to do this my whole life. It numbed my mind so I’m not thinking all my tormenting thoughts.

Even though I was letting this happen, I was still VERY aware of what drove me…. Here were my thoughts:

-This is weigh in day and you did great! If your going to eat, might as well be now.
-Nobody even knows your doing this except your husband, so who cares? Just eat you will feel better.
-Its not fair that you have to constantly have to figure out shit. This is hard! who the hell does this? Just eat.
-Well, you never planned a treat meal, so might as well be now.

Are these thoughts my “competing desires”?
or just “competing thoughts”?

I promise that I know that this was NOT a “treat/joy” meal. This was definitely a self sabotaging event.
This is very interesting though. Because even though my “thinking” is foggy, I still feel disappointed in myself. Just goes to show how tormenting my thoughts are about myself and life I suppose.

Here is what I think I did wrong.
I’m pretty sure that I’ve been resisting some of my negative emotion because this is why this happened right?

At this current moment I am getting things ready for this coming week. I’m working on my attitude now and trying to get it together after this. 🙁

Thank you so much for listening. I will definitely figure this out. If I do it again I ‘ll be jumping right back on here and letting you know.