Parenting stress help with models.

Hi Brooke,

On NYE I unexpectedly found myself in a mini debate with another mother about smartphones and social media for young teens. It was stressful but the next day I did models on the exchange I had and models on this friend of mine. So I cleaned all that up. Now i am digging deeper and dealing with my feelings about my kids having tech and social media.

We all agree that there are many negative consequences for children that have access to social media and excessive tech time.
However, I have weighed the pros and cons and decided to get my 12 year old and 14 year old smartphones because honestly, this is the world we live in and they will need to have this exposure in order to navigate this complicated world.
But I hate it.

So here are my models that i need a little guidance on because they don’t seem to match up.
C: My kids Smartphones
T: They are so stressful
F: Worry, helpless
A: Give up , buffer
R: Smartphones running the show

Another one
C: My kids social media
T: I have no control as a parent here
F: Terrified
A: Give up, buffer
R: The social media runs the show

Intentional models
C: My kids smartphones
T: I will not give up helping them navigate and monitor
F: A little less helpless
A: Give them tools, teach them healthy habits
R: Smartphones don’t run the show

And the other one.
C: My kids social media
T: Cannot keep them in a bubble
F: Less stressed than before
A: support them, parent them
R: They learn to navigate themselves in this crazy world.

Any advice here? I have many other thoughts about it such as…
I am a bad parent for getting them smartphones ( even though i had the best intentions)
I am tired of swimming against the stream.
smartphones are ruining our lives, they don’t read anymore, go outside as much, play with friends as much.
All kids have them so what is the point of holding out.
They already have them so it is impossible to take them away now plus we need to communicate with them since both my husband and i work.
I cannot control the world my kids are growing up in.
I am a shitty parent.

Uggg. Help!