My parents want to move to where we are (various states away). They’ve been thinking about this for a while, but decided they want to move now rather than in 2 years. However, they want to move without jobs and a negative bank account. They’re in their 60’s and are raising my 15-year-old sister. They want to figure it out when they get here.
When they asked over the phone to stay at our house for 2-3 months, I initially said ok, we’d love to help, but I’d have to double-check with my husband first. In reality, I was people-pleasing. My husband and I are introverts, and they’re not. And we live in a 900 sq. ft house with 1 bathroom. My sister literally spent three hours in the bathroom the last time they were here taking care of her curly hair. And they’d be bringing a dog. And I work from home.
My husband pointed this out, and I agreed. He also said they don’t have to come here with nothing. There are steps they can take where they are to cut their expenses and come here with a job lined up and some savings. For example, move out of the 3-floor house they’re renting for $3k, get rid of the storage unit they’re paying $500+/mo., get rid of the office worker they have (and are $6K behind in salary) and have my mom work in her place since it’s a family business and my mom doesn’t have another job, and more.
So when I got back on the phone with them yesterday, I was honest and told them we thought there was a better way and that we would be happy to help if necessary, but it would be an inconvenience to have them over because of XYZ. But again, we would be happy to help with them staying here if that’s what they chose.
Well, I spoke to my mom again today, and she said she’s looking into a place that’s about 4 hours away from here because they have a contact there and my dad might be able to get a job with this person. This person even offered to have them stay in their home until they found a place to live. Later my mom also said that she didn’t feel like my husband really wanted them here.
I guess in a sense that’s true, but the same could be said about me. And I feel bad they feel unwanted. And I feel like a bad daughter and that I should be thrilled to have them over but I’m not because my husband and I like our privacy and quiet life.
But being with them is like a roller coaster ride; there’s an abandoned house next to me and my mom considered moving in and squatting on the property. What?! And then the other time they were here, they decided on the spur of the moment to buy a mobile home, despite owing hundreds of thousands of dollars to people—including $30K to her brother who lives in the same community, and $60K to us for like the last 10 years—and not being able to pay their own bills. And they wanted my husband and I to move in to take care of the mobile home until they moved down years later. What?! Thankfully this fell through.
How can I think about this so that I don’t take responsibility for their thoughts, and so that I don’t feel so much judgment toward myself?