My partner and I have different views on how tidy and clean the house must be if visitors can enter.  I agree we should have the house tidy and clean.  I don’t agree that visitors cannot come by if we haven’t tidied and cleaned to his standards.

I am working my way to a good work/life balance and changing habits to lower number of migraine days.  I do not prioritize cleaning more than a minimum if I know I have nothing left for the day.  On normal days I tidy up to my standards.  On days with lots of energy I tidy to his standards.

Through scholars I have changed from accepting his manual for me that says that I should help clean up even if I am tired, because we are both tired and he cannot relax if there are things on the counter or any items of clothing are visible.  Now I tell him that he is the one wanting the spotless house, so he can do the rest of the work after I tidied up to my standards.

C: Partner says ” if you don’t help until the house looks ok they cannot come over, and if you don’t help I will leave for the day”
T: I think it looks good now.
F: annoyed
A: Entertain visitors alone because partner left the house before they arrived, making up excuses why he is not there
R: I have an unresolved ongoing dispute