I’m curious as to how to think about situations/ people where the thoughts and actions don’t add up.
I seem to have a few situations in my life where people repeatedly tell me one thing and do another. Examples: work colleague says “I will have it ready by —” and then doesn’t. Partner says “I will take care of — for us” and then doesn’t. Friend says “I will do —-” and then doesn’t or “You have my support around —-” and then doesn’t follow through with the actions belonging to that situation e.g. responding to an email confirming that we doing —
My thoughts so far: “when the words and the actions don’t add up, trust the actions”. Or another thought I have is “If the words and the actions don’t add up, the person is incongruent OR not to be relied upon” My model would look like this:
C- colleague says they will have work completed by date. Work is not done by date.
T – This person is not to be relied upon
F – In Control/ Decisive
A – Tell person I can no longer work with them. Find a new person and make clear from beginning that I have requirements around deadlines that if not met we will no longer work together. // Avoid actively being around the ‘unreliable’ person (due to fear of ‘bad feeling’?). Ruminate on whether I am being controlling or should have cut them some slack. Reach out to SCS for answers. And in the past: go to friends for their opinions on whether I’m being too harsh.
R – I can rely on myself (first actions) OR I can’t rely on myself (second actions)
I’m wondering though whether I am being too harsh, judgemental, having manuals – what would be the way to love and accept someone who repeatedly says one thing and does another? Or conversely whether I should just own my power (and thus cut out the second actions e.g. ruminating etc.) and trust myself that it’s valid and acceptable to let someone go when their words/ actions don’t match?