For the past 3 or 4 days I have been doing a deeper dive into my beliefs about people pleasing, other peoples opinion and approval seeking. What is so amazing is that this came to me 4 days before your podcast this morning. It couldn’t have come at a better time and I am floored that things seem to come around when you need it the most. I want to say thank you to you for your podcast this morning.
I’m stuck on my model’s and I’m trying to figure out just exactly how I’m feeling, but mainly struggling with the result. This is super ingrained belief for my entire life and it’s not going to go away overnight. I’m working hard on this part of my ingrained belief that I have to please others before pleasing myself. That I have to tone it down, be something that I’m not just to get people to like me. I want to scream from the rooftops that I am who I am, like it or not.
Also, I have been told all my life (from my stepmother, even my own husband) that I am selfish and self centered, so I go out of my way to not be that. To put others before me so I can be a good person, so I can be of service to others and let my own joy, pleasure, or dreams go by. But, this is not working for me anymore. I know that my thoughts are “I have to put others first and be approved of and liked” I can’t tell anyone that I want to live an extrordinary life and become what is possible. This is thoughts of not being worthy, of thinking that if I put myself first then I am not a good person. I know this is not true, but I want to get to the bottom of my thinking. Can you help me with my models?
So, here are my model’s:
U/I:
C: My Life
T: I have to put others first and be approved of and liked.
F: Selfish
A: Go out of my way to build others up, people please and discount what I want for the time being.
R: Seek approval and deny my own desires
I/M:
C: My Life
T: I have to put myself first so I can take care of others needs
F: Empowered
A: Take care of myself first
R: ????
U/I:
C: My Life
T: I am self-centered and selfish, so I can’t dream big because, well, selfish!
F: Guilty, ashamed (resentment and resistance)
A: Over compensate – make others believe that I put them first (take attention off of me)
R: Withdraw (ego takes over, brain says fuck them, I am important too)
I/M:
C: My Life
T: It’s okay that I take care of myself first and then build others up.
F: Open to receive – Acceptance
A: Freely give myself without feeling bad about what I want and desire.
R: provide so much value to others and feel good about myself
Thank you Brooke! I am working on my impossible goal and this thought and belief is getting in my way. I need to resolve this before I actually believe I can accomplish my goals this year, because they are huge!
xoxo,
Sandy
