Pleasing myself – Musings of a reformed people pleaser

Hey Coaches 🙂
I’m a little confused. I’ve started to “please myself” by choosing to be more honest, not people please and to state what I’d prefer. This hasn’t felt as good as what I’d thought. I’m seeing how this could be really selfish. It’s played out interestingly in two circumstances:

1. I recently quit my job and I gave the required amount of notice. Among other things, some of which were nice, my boss told me I was inconsiderate in giving the amount of notice that I gave, I should’ve given more notice than was required because we are understaffed and it increased the work load of my colleagues. I was intrigued by this, because I agonised over the decision and ended on deciding to just do the required notice because then I would be home for my son’s birthday and because, if I was to give extra, I just didn’t know how much more to give, I didn’t mind if he wanted to negotiate the end date. In my opinion I WAS considerate – but not of him first – of me first, and my family. I have understanding for my boss because – of course he would think that – I have always prioritised the company’s needs above my own and my family’s, resentfully, never because they have asked me to, but always because I have just wanted their approval/please them.

2. It’s winter, 8.30pm, my husband & I agreed that he should park his car in the garage (and me on the street) because his windshield gets frosty when he parks on the street and he can’t defrost it with the heater in his car – only the cold air conditioning. He said, “Great, do you want to move it now?” and I said “Now? No I don’t want to now” (as in – it’s not a want match for me) and he cut me off from before I could say, “I will still do it, but I don’t want to do it”, and remind him about want matches and being truthful. After words were exchanged, he went and moved both cars by himself, but he was upset with me. Again – I have understanding for him – I’ve always just resentfully complied because its easier than suffering the grump, so of course he would just assume that I would comply. Now he said I was “bitchy”. I didn’t have to move the cars, but still there’s the discomfort of being misunderstood.

I want them to be ok with me being truthful, I want them to understand. Am I maybe being too blunt with my delivery? I’m thinking “this is selfish” – what is the upside to continuing to practice this sort of honesty and statement of preference? Do you think I will feel it pay off?