I’ve been dating a guy and its fun, he’s great looking and he’s a laugh. I said from the off this isn’t anything serious and I do not want this to be serious. Over a couple of months we’ve got closer.
I have realized my reason for not wanting this to get serious is because of his lifestyle and I am feeling a lot of shame around this.
His parents/ family in general sound chaotic and there is lot of mental illness and drinking and drug use in his family, his home is dirty and messy, he smokes and has a history of drugs, criminal record and his friends are all drug users and to be honest when I have met them it’s just a seedy vibe and I’m not into it.
I invite him to my house or we go out as I try and ignore all of the external factors.
It sounds terrible but I just think why would I want to enter into a serious relationship with someone with all of this, my life is very different. When I think about it it just seems like I am making a rod for my back. I have been with someone before who had a chaotic family with a lot of issues and I don’t want to do it again, but I am feeling so much that I am judging him on everything around him, his friends, home, family, cleanliness of home, drug use.
My other question is how do I tell him I want to keep it casual as I think he is trying to get serious with me, but I don’t want to say it’s because of his family/house/drugs/criminal record etc. He is lovely and I am concerned about him feeling hurt or that I will come across as stuck up. It feels like we are from different worlds.
I wanted a casual relationship with him because he is so different to me and works in a totally different industry to me and doesn’t really care about what I do for work (which is great because previously it has scared men off/intimidated them) or they get an idea of me from social media and just see me as how I show up when I’m working and couldn’t see that I am different in real life.