I have realized I have a pattern (probably nearly lifelong) of blaming myself for everything in life that does not go how I want. I have a history of telling myself if a relationship doesn’t work out, a project doesn’t go how I want, people don’t see me how I see myself, and I alone am to blame for this.
I have discovered working with the model that my over-responsibility for my results holds me back in my life, and sometimes I have trouble seeing what the R is versus the C.
For example, I have what I would call an “unreasonable boss.” I have done an amazing amount of thought work on this. But the bottom line, after an extraordinary amount of thought work, is that I can do what I can do, I can show up the best I can, I can do more than any “reasonable” person would expect of me, but I cannot control “unreasonable” expectations or what is thrown at me (assuming I stay at the job, which makes the most logical sense for me to do at this time).
I have had an enormous amount of anxiety about the fact that I can do what I can do with my circumstances and the results, but it does not change what the circumstance is.
How do I parse out what the “circumstance” is in my situation versus what the “results” I am creating are? It is a situation where the more I do, the more complex and time-consuming work assignments are thrown at me (which in my situation makes it “look” like I have done less based on quantity- and is not an impressive scenario in the eyes of the boss’s boss) but if I do less, I have also not done enough to meet the job requirements. (And yes, I have spoken to the boss.) I am trying to come up with a thought process that does not make me crazy, keeps me in the element of my control, and does not have me worrying so much about the potential results of this.