Reconciling changing my own changing outlook with my spouse’s perspectives


Hi Brooke,

I have been learning so much from what you teach, it has been life-changing to me. Thank you!

I am working on making some decisions about where next to take my career and starting my own coaching business. In this, there are some financial considerations (ie. changing strategies on how to save up for a house that we want to build, how to pay for student loans, how to pay for childcare in this transition) as well as having to consider the impact this may have on our family (ie. where will my son go to school, will we be near family, etc.) I fully intend to take all action needed to achieve the various results I want, and very much believe that I can do so, but also recognize that sometimes things just don’t work out as planned and that it may be necessary to re-strategize and “try again.” My husband is very much a pragmatist and does have very good mental health (very good way of approaching problems, managing his mind, following through on commitments, resilient, etc.) However, he is not participating self-coaching process I have chosen for myself, so there are still differences in how we are choosing to perceive situations. He is very much supportive of my decisions about starting a business. But he shares concerns related to the practical considerations above. I am open to the idea that as I embark on this new journey, because of the learning process involved, I may not achieve the results according to a timeline that me and my husband would find ideal (as originally planned), and that I will need to learn to accommodate to the changing circumstances along the way, knowing I will achieve my goal in the end. For example, I am accepting of the idea that perhaps we will not build a home according to our original timeline, if this means that I will develop my business and ultimately have the home and other things we want as well.

My questions are:
1. Should I be focusing more on defining the multiple results I want (ie. developing a successful coaching business, saving for a home to build according to our original timeline, paying off my loans by a certain time, being able to afford childcare, etc) and then finding the way to achieve it and just going for it, instead of thinking about the possibility of not achieving it? (I think yes; if things don’t go as planned, I will deal with that eventuality if needed). When making decisions about how to shape my business, considering in part what is best for our family, how do I reconcile my desire to go all in to really achieve what I set out to do, with my husband’s perspectives and concerns (which include very reasonable questions about how this will impact our original life plans)? I find that considering some of his perspective, which previously would have been my own as well, brings me to a place of fear and self-doubt that I find I have to work out of each time. I appreciate your thoughts on this!