Thanks for the answer to my initial question. Maybe I was focusing on the wrong thing in my model cause I don’t feel like the intentional model is solving anything for me. So I’ll try again.

Unintentional Model
C – Partner cannot pay his part of the bills.
T – He is using me because he knows that I will pay the bills and then I cannot pay for the things that I want in my life (being a member of scholars for example)
F – Resentment/anger.
A – Put pressure on partner to get a job, judge him, argue with him, wish things were different
R – We argue and he is still not paying his bills.

Intentional model:
C – Partner cannot pay his part of the bills.
T – Contacting employers is very anxiogenic for him.
F – Compassion.
A – Leave him to sort it on his own, allow him to be him, allow me to be me
R – I show up accepting him for who he is AND I still have to make sacrifices to my life.

I get that it would be easy to say that I just don’t pay the bills, but that will come with a lot of consequences which are worse than not having the luxury of being a member of scholars and making day trips to different locations on the weekends etc.
The model might still not be the right model or focus for my problem?
We have an agreement to have totally separate finances for very good reasons. I’m thinking that the only solution to this problem is to accept that I cannot have the things that I want in my life with this going on, or I kick him out so that I can have full control of my finances as we have agreed.