Hi Brooke,

So, I had an interesting AHA moment yesterday courtesy of my mom. Long story short, I was talking to her about my job and my coaching side business and wanting to make more money and feeling frustrated by a whole host of factors and she essentially said, “Samantha, I know you’re restless. I know you don’t want to be doing the job you have forever and you want to be your own boss but you need to put aside that restless feeling and tell yourself you’re exactly where you need to be right now. This is exactly where you need to be. It’s all in your mind and it’s making you unhappy.”

I’ve been trying to get her to listen to your podcast for MONTHS and she never talks like this and it was SUCH an awakening moment for me.

I am totally restless. Restless drives me but it also distracts me. I spend money, hop on facebook, people please, jump into new projects only to abandon them later (and the list goes on because I’m restless). But I never really saw restless as being negative, but how it causes me to act definitely does.

After my mom said this, I started thinking about the model, but I couldn’t figure out what my T was. I literally could not think of a conscious or unconscious T!

Here’s a few of my models just from yesterday alone:

C:
T:
F: Restless
A: Go on Facebook for 2 hours
R: Don’t put myself out there and still have no clients

C:
T:
F: Restless
A: Spend money on a coach, course, book to help me “figure it out”
R: Still in debt/more debt

C:
T:
F: Restless
A: Procrastinate and not do my job
R: Unhappy with job and feel stuck in same job

T:
F: Restless
A: Snack when I’m not hungry/off protocol
R: No/slow weight loss

I lay in bed for an hour thinking about what my T could be. One thought I had was that I may be thinking “I’m not where I want to be” as that’s a common theme for me in every aspect of my life. I’m not where I want to be in terms of my full time job, my side hustle, my relationship status, my body, my friendships, my finances. All of it. Nothing is good enough, I want everything to be more, better, different. This has always driven me. I jump into new things, throw my money at coaches, courses, certifications, new equipment, clothes, whatever. Sometimes it has helped, but mostly it has just fuelled more restlessness and has definitely been the source of my current debt situation.

So I thought, why not test this and do so by amplify the feeling? I lay in bed and kept thinking, “I’m not where I want to be. This is not where I want to be. I’m not where I want to be” and I could feel the pain and panic and sadness rush over me. My chest got really tight, my skin started tingling (I literally felt like I was crawling out of my skin) and I started to cry.

SUPER. INTERESTING.

I tried thinking the thought: I’m exactly where I need to be right now but that didn’t feel like a believable thought to me. I ended up falling asleep but I woke up this morning and was still super curios about this so I thought I’d ask you.

1) How can I know for sure that this is the T that it causing me to feel restless? I know I feel it in a general sense but I don’t think this is the thought I have right before I have the feeling that precipitates the eating/facebooking/spending/procastinating.

2) Can you give me some ideas of better feeling, intentional thoughts to think?

Thanks Brooke!

Samantha