No question. Just an amazing revelation yesterday. I’ve heard Brooke and other coaches say “nothing has gone wrong here” so many times about so many things but I never really understood how to apply it. Every time I gave in to an urge to buffer stress with food and wine, I kept thinking – what is wrong with me? Why can’t I figure this out?
Then last night, driving home from work, tired and cranky and hungry and stressed, I started to crave some pizza and wine. And I also started to pre-beat myself up because I was 95% sure I would stop at the store and not follow my protocol.
And it finally hit me – this is proof nothing has gone wrong. My body and mind are responding exactly the way I have trained them to respond for the past 10+ years. Tired, hungry, stressed, cranky feelings in my body while driving home triggers I want greasy, cheesy food and wine to feel better, which triggers the action of stopping at the store. There’s nothing wrong at all. In fact, I’m functioning perfectly – I am behaving exactly how I’ve trained myself to numb the feelings I don’t want to feel.
It feels like such freedom to realize I’ve trained myself to do this and nothing is wrong. And now I can see it’s possible to untrain myself if I choose to. It’s also weird how this was brought up in so many of the calls and classes I’ve listened to but I never got it until now. FYI – I didn’t stop at the store, I ate on protocol, and I decided to set up a mini-urge jar in my car to remind me that I’m choosing to untrain this pattern. I can have wine and some veggie pizza on Friday because I’ve decided that ahead of time, not because I’m reacting to stress.
Thanks Brooke and coaches – it took some time but I think it’s finally sinking in!