(resending via computer bc on phone app kept hitting send prematurely – sorry!)
I’ve been following my protocol for a few days and am hitting a stride and feeling pretty good. I have been allowing urges and observing my thoughts. Many thoughts that I know do not serve me are definitely getting louder and more convincing. There is a certain theme of thoughts I have that I’ve experienced for years that are VERY convincing and tend to happily derail me, often within a few days. I start to get thoughts about how losing weight is BAD and goes against my values. I know its my brain trying to protect me and make me feel good about going back to how I “usually” do things. How I usually do things (overeating and eating emotionally) obviously is not working for me which is why I am here!
This is how they go:
“Wanting to lose weight and be lean is anti-feminist. I should be happy and proud at this weight and set a good example for other women.”
“If I lose weight I will not be a good role model for body positivity for young girls.”
“Trying to control my weight is vain and wasteful of energy. This is first world problem. There are literally people starving in the world!”
This time, I have tried to get around this by not making it about my weight. First of all, I have not stepped on the scale for 8 months and admit I have lots of fear and resistance about the scale. I’ll tackle this one later ;). Secondly, I have made it about overeating (not weight loss), which is really the ROOT of the issue. I know that if I stop overeating and follow my protocol everything will follow. My epic reason to follow my protocol and commit to unlearning overeating (allowing urges managing my thoughts) is: “I am a badass warrior woman and I CAN do hard things! I thrive on challenge and growth. I get pleasure from mastery and learning.”
For now, not focusing on the weight is helping because I can counter these thoughts with my epic reason for wanting to stop overeating. However, let’s be real, deep down I really DO want to lose body fat and be lean. So it leads to a lot of cognitive dissonance that my brain wants to reconcile. I start convincing myself in any way that I really DON’T want to lose weight and that losing weight is a BAD (very self-serving and selfish) goal to have.
These thoughts are so sneaky and deeply ingrained! I am ready to do the work to reprogram my beliefs.
Please help and much gratitude!