I’m the primary caregiver and breadwinner for my family (wife + 3 kids, she has a medical condition that limits her ability to take care of our kids or work), so I do all the cooking, cleaning, money earning, and helping our kids with things. I’ve been really working on my mindset around that as my C line, as my tendency before scholars was to spiral into feeling overwhelmed and helpless. Scholars has completely changed my life and I’m really proud and excited about how I’m showing up and what I’ve been able to accomplish in the midst of this. Some days (like today) I still end up in some of those old thought patterns and I feel really anxious and overwhelmed and like I’m not doing enough. When this happens it’s really hard on my family because they’re dependent on me to take care of them, and my wife ends up lashing out, like today she said, “There’s no escaping from your just wanting to suck the life out of everything and everyone around you.” I end up feeling like I’m not allowed to have negative feelings because no one else can handle it. I really want to take responsibility for what I can, but I just feel so tired and helpless.

C – Wife says words
T – She doesn’t understand me, she doesn’t see what I do
F – Discouraged, helpless
A – Shut down, don’t want to talk
R – I’m not heard or understood?

I’m having trouble creating an intentional model that feels true. Maybe I’m trying too hard to control her negative thoughts and feelings? I ‘know’ that her thoughts aren’t any of my business and I can’t control them. But I feel stuck and like I can’t adjust my own thoughts and feelings because she’s still feeling things.