Still Not Quite Wanting To Let Go Of My Stories

I see a patterns of pretty judgmental / critical thoughts of myself and others – a long held pattern of thinking that reflects a bunch of beliefs. I work through the Models and see all the angry/irritated/resentful/guilty/shameful feelings these create – and actions that are generally around pushing people away, buffering, criticizing – and then the result of feeling ashamed/isolated/disconnected (etc).

I can see how destructive this is in my life – but I still feel like I WANT to hold onto all these thoughts!!

It’s like I WANT to be ‘right’ – I know I’m trying to resolve these Models by changing circumstances (if only people would follow my manuals, if only life were like XXX, – then I wouldn’t have these thoughts/feel this way).

Intellectually I know this is never going to happen – and I can generally see the many different sides to situations and people – but I still suck myself into these stories/thoughts – it’s like I’m addicted to the outrage/anger/irritation and the sense of there being a ‘right and a wrong’ and a ‘better/worse’ when it comes to people and situations.

Do you have any advice for how to really start impacting on this pattern?

I listen to all the podcasts and recordings – but applying the advice/ideas in practice never seems to quite land…