I’ve been in SCS since Sept and I’m having some important break throughs about myself this month. I’ve been able to make some significant changes in my thoughts as it pertains to outside things in my life for the better. I.E. When life throws me curveballs.
But, my biggest issues, I’m learning are my manual for myself. My belief system of more than 30 years. I’m learning just how terrible and poisonous my beliefs are! I’m a business owner of 6+ years and a mom to a toddler. I’m actually pretty great at both! But, being an entrepreneur and a mom are my biggest “C-Lines” in my models. My models around work are different but have the same UNDERLYING thought:
– If I reach my big goals, I’ll never have enough time to myself. To relax. I’ll have too much responsibility and pressure to other people (clients). It will never end!
I’ve been trying to get pregnant with our second child and have been creating a massive amount of drama around that. I’m too old, etc. and the thought behind the thought, I’ve learned is:
– Having a child too late (close to 40) means I’ll never have enough time to myself (to relax, travel, etc). (i.e. I’ll be almost 60 before they are grown!).
Both thoughts are selfish, ridiculous and hard to even write out! I don’t like that I’m thinking these at all. Especially regarding having another child later in life. It’s as if I want to hurry up, have another child, raise it and be done so I can sleep the days away! Like I said, it feels shitty to even write out or own. Own that I feel that way deep down. And then also recognize that I also feel another way: that being a successful entrepreneur and mom to 2 kids at the age of 40 would be f-ing amazing. I am capable of both. And doing both could be better than just sleeping the days away, alone… which apparently my mind wants me to do.
So, now that I’ve uncovered these thoughts… now what? Let them be? try to create bridge thoughts?
Thanks so much.