I did a Thought Download on debt after doing the class in the Money Course. Here are my thoughts (some feel great, some not so much):

– It helped me get to where I am today (grateful)
– It’s frustrating to pay (frustration)
– I don’t wanna pay it (entitlement/little-kid anger)
– I have to pay it (defeated/heavy)
– It can be suffocating (disempowered)
– It it wasn’t for debt, I’d be able to afford living on my own (resentment)
– Without debt, I can’t afford coaching (dependent)
– I wish it was gone (hopeless)
– I’m grateful for the investments, but fuck debt (torn .. like fire and ice together)
– I’ve gotta stop avoiding it (angry at myself)
– This monthly payment sucks (avoidance/defeated)

These are some of many thoughts I have about debt. In one way, I am so grateful .. without debt, I wouldn’t have been a life coach selling clients like I do now and serving. I wouldn’t be only doing what I love and making money for it. I used most of my debt to invest in coaching, coach training, and my mind which I do not regret. I’m just not taking responsibility and owning it. I’ve been avoiding it and getting late fees sometimes and forgetting I have the payment due. I almost feel angry at the banks. Maybe part of me believes it’ll take my whole life to pay it off.

What’s my next step? I know debt is neutral yet I actually want to believe that. Some progress I’ve made, I just calculated my net worth, I calculated my monthly payment, I’m about to create a budget, I also made a plan for how could I make more money to pay off my medical loan in full by the end of the month. I feel better about it. I just don’t want to fall back into blame, entitlement, self-resentment energy when the going gets tough.