Hi Brooke,

I am a freelancer web designer and pay (hourly) my brother to do coding work for me. We’ve been doing it together for 8 years and most of the time it’s great working together. Every so often there is a lull in work — especially this time of year when everyone is on summer vacation. I start to get anxiety and dread about him bringing up the topic of no work for him. The lulls don’t bother me as they’re normally short and I get to work on other projects I’ve put off doing.

When he does bring up the topic of no work coming up, it brings up all sorts of emotions and I really feel like I take a HUGE backward step. Today he brought it up and I feel AWFUL. It’s ironic because this is Day 3 of August and I am meant to be living my purpose of “Being an example of excellence in all that I do” (is this an OK purpose?) I know I need to change my thinking. My husband said it’s not my problem that he currently has no work, because he’s on contract. I found that thought hard to believe because I feel like not bringing in enough work for him means a failing on my part.

The other thing is he will also complain when there is too much work, that he’s stressed out and full of anxiety about what to do on his list of jobs and needs a break.

Today I wrote this in my homework for my model – is this right?

Unintentional:
C: No work for brother
T: He will quit on me, he’s mad at me, he will complain to my parents and then they will be disappointed in me
F: Panic, anxiety, fear, failure
A: Not able to focus/do my work/be strategic
R: Less work done, less work brought in

Intentional:
C: No work for brother
T: Work has its ups and downs, that’s life
F: Acceptance
A: Focus on getting more work
R: More work

Thank you,
R from New Zealand