Trip to spain and mom guilt

Hi! I submitted to be coached live this week but wasn’t picked. Ironically I worked out a lot of my thoughts on my own in anticipation of the call. I was relieved to not be picked because at the time of the call I was tearful with what my thoughts had come to around this trip that I’d won. At the same time, I was prepared to face a fear of crying on camera. So I guess I’ll save that for another time 😉

I won a trip to Spain with one of my wine suppliers. I was contemplating not going and I gave the following external reasons validity in my thoughts:
1. It’s around the time of my wedding and planning for the wedding and then a trip to Spain would be too much
new thought: I freakin got this. It’s just planning. I plan all the time. A wedding is no different.
2. My partner would be upset that he wouldn’t be able to come and he would make me feel guilty for leaving (this may still happen but I’m ok with him doing that bc I choose not to let it affect me)
new thought: Alex can say what he wants. I believe it comes from a place of love because he really would just like to experience this with me. I won’t let guilt stop an amazing opportunity.
3. It will be an education focused trip surrounding wine knowledge and that doesn’t interest me as much as a tourism base trip where I’m free to choose what I do
new thought: There is so much culture I will experience even being in vineyards most of the day. Culture is about the people and the traditions and I experience a ton of that. Plus the countryside will be exceptionally beautiful
4. I’m a bad mom for leaving my kids for a week and being on my own. They will miss me too much.

This is what I was left with. I am sitting with some very uncomfortable emotion surrounding this and I realize where it stems from. I know that’s not important for creating new thoughts, but the ah ha moment happened regardless. Just now: my mom was a single mom and she never went anywhere. She sacrificed so much to raise my sister and I. She used to travel as a younger woman and has not gone anywhere since she had us. I’m literally just now realizing where this guilt is coming from as I type this. I have viewed self sacrifice as one of the characteristics of being a good mother. I didn’t even realize I had that unconscious thought. I think you are essentially getting a thought download right now, but I’m too far into it to erase 🙂

ok, new thought;

I am a great mother for a million reasons. Not going on a trip that I won for work that I did has nothing to do with how I mother my children

That’s where I am. Just now. You probably need a snack break after reading all that.