Hi Brooke,
Almost Four months into this and something is not going right. I think my perfectionism has a grip on me. I make drink plans to not drink at all and when and what i will drink. Ive accumulated like 10 allowed urges!!! It seems so simple but when asked this question (s) before as to what counts as an urge ive interpreted the answers from 1. “ it will feel like an emergency” to… 2. “ if thoughts of drinking (urge) at a time when i would normally not drink is just “drinking thinking” to…3. thinking about drinking (urge) when alcohol is not an option because its not with me in that moment… thats not an allowed urge but drinking thinking to… 4. Thinking about whether i will drink later while having an urge now urge is “drinking thinking” and not really an allowed urge because the alcohol is not present in that moment .. to 5. “there is wine here; i wouldnt drink anyway now because even at my worst times i would never drink and drive.” … to 6. todays answer to count an example about wanting (craving) a drink “but it not being an option for me because i do have to drive” … to 7. “yes count it as an urge even though it feels easy”
i feel like im mixing this all up and/or getting mixed signals as to what something feel likes (drinking thinking or true urge).
Here is what happened yesterday to give an example hopefully clarifying my head spinning over drinking thinking verses an urge. I actually had my drinking plan for the week in my head but usually plan each day 24 hrs ahead of time. I was with a friend who suggested going for dinner this friday night. Well that put my head into a tail spin as to tons of chatter like “ well if i go out with her friday night then i cant drink thursday night like i thought i would and maybe i should drink tonight and not drink thursday night blah, blah, blah,! As i continued the chatter for way over an hour and then driving home from my friends i had an overwhelming urge to drink. I thought that when i got home it didnt matter that i was switching my drink days as long as i drank and didnt drink the number of days for the week i had planned in my head. Remember, i didnt plan to drink tonight. So back in the car i have urge to drink tonight triggered by all that just transpired and then instantly thought no! I did not plan to drink tonight. I felt peace. Iwas driving so of course i couldnt answer the urge in the second that i felt it in my body and mind that i was not going to drink. SO IS THAT AN ALLOWED URGE OR DRINKING THINKING because it was impossible for me to drink when driving anyway. 20 minutes later i got home, saw how beautiful it was outside, and said to myself, “ well ill drink tonight and not drink thursday. Afterall i will still be not be drinking the planned number of days a week! So i gave in and drank.
So in the car ( not being able to drink due to the fact i was driving) and deciding not to drink when i got home felt like an allowed urge. Count? But then i got home and drank.
I always feel like it needs to feel like it is an emergency to drink and if i am in a situation where its impossible for me to drink though i want to drink… that doesnt count. I have a lot of those and never count them. I only count them when the alcohol is available and i dont drink.
Signed,
So confussed and hating myself because i dont feel like im making progress with less than 10 counted urges in 3.5 months. Im not doing something right!