The Universe Keeps Testing Me

What a WEIRD experience last night. So – I quit drinking. My Partner is an extrovert who LOVES people – and people tend to hang out at bars – so we’re usually at a bar 3 times a week. (It’s not as bad as it sounds. We do trivia with friends 1 night and he plays sand volleyball at another bar 2 nights a week). Anyway, so I always order club soda with lime very happily and all is good. Until last night.

My partner is playing sand volleyball. The game starts at 10pm – but we get there at 8pm for him to hang out with humans (we both work from home, so this is his “people time” where he gets energy. As an introvert, this is my “Argh time” where I get to manage my anxiety and practice smiling and small talk.)

Anyway, one of the sand volleyball guys brings his 22-year old very hammered girlfriend to sit next to me from about 9pm to midnight. I’m a 46-year old gay dude. The “gay dude” part makes it easy to hang out with girls. We love fun girls! However, the 46-year old part makes it hard to listen to 3 hours of 22-year old “issues”. Anyway – during all of this, my partner comes over and asks would I go get him a margarita. I said “Absolutely” and go get him one. I bring it back and he says, “Oh, we’re doing a few pick-up games, can you just hold it?”

So the circumstance is that I’m sitting on the sidelines of a beach volleyball course, next to a 22-year old female human being, listening to words she is saying, holding a margarita.

My thinking is … “Remember a few moments ago when you thought you might have to take up cutting to deal with this situation? The Universe just gave you a second alternative!”

So – to my credit – I only took a sip. The problem is that it was a L-O-N-G sip that drained the entire cup of margarita.

So I’m like… “Dang you, Universe. You put me in a highly intense situation – and made me hold an alcoholic beverage!” So I’m a bit peeved at myself for actually drinking the drink. Now that I’ve stopped drinking – even 1 has some negative effects the next morning (get up later, negative mood, etc.) – so I’m not a happy camper this morning.

I thought I was fine with feeling emotions, anxiety, in these situation – but this situations made me question that. Am I only not drinking because I figured out how to not hold a drink? Or … I dunno. What do you suggest specifically for when you choose to drink in a spot when you were SURE you were a non-drinker? I’m frustrated at myself for choosing to drink the drink instead of just continue to smile and nod and feel anxiety. Thoughts?