I’m trying to deal with a lifelong problem of falling in love with people who don’t love me back, don’t like me, don’t know how I feel, or don’t know I exist. I sought therapy many times, and didn’t get much more advice other than “stop paying attention to that person”.

But I want to know WHY, what is under these obsessions?

C: Attractive, creative, intelligent, accomplished man exists
T: There is nothing about me that will impress him.
F: Invisible, inconsequential.
A: Never reveal feelings.
R: I do and say nothing that impresses him.

C: Attractive, intelligent man asks me out.
T: He wants someone prettier, he’s just feeling this out.
F: Scared, desperate
A: Constantly worried about what to say or expect. Usually, ask for nothing or ask for commitment.
R: He leaves me for someone prettier.

C: Attractive, intelligent man becomes my lover
T: This is everything I want
F: Vulnerable
A: Let him come and go as he pleases
R: One of us gets sick of the arrangement and it ends

What are my thoughts SUPPOSED to be? I’m trying to imagine, if I were beautiful, if I were the exact right person for the kind of guy I fall in love with, what would my thoughts be? Does it matter? Is it possible, to become a future self that is loved by the kind of man I love?