Unwanted but need to allow?

Hi! Question about the homework…..in the unintentional model where anger was my feeling after thoughts about my daughter’s behavior, how do I know if I should allow it vs. it being indulgent? It feels indulgent…… Do we allow the indulgent emotions for a little bit, or really start to anchor into the intentional thought as to not allow it at all and move into the intentional thought which in my example creates calm? Do I allow the anger at all?
C-daughter yelling
T-This is too much
A-I start to yell, vent to husband
R- It is too much for me

C-daugher yelling
T-I can be calm even when she isn’t
A-discipline from a more loving/calmer place
R-I’m in control and calm, it is manageable
Thank you