Last night, my husband mentioned that his family is throwing a party for his dad’s 70th birthday and all flying to his destination birthday in July. Everyone lives out of state and we all just spent an extended weekend with everyone in March. We are attending another function with family in June. In the past, my husband and I would argue about the frequency of spending time with his family. He has said its because I do not have close relationships with my own family. I disagree with him. My mother and I are very close, speak everyday and I have only one sister and we have not been close, that is true. We are very different…. but with the help of scholars, we are talking again and I am just letting her be who she is, I can already tell I am not in absolute terror when she calls and its getting easier. I am now excited to see where this goes with her and my being able to establish loving boundaries.
The truth for me is, whether it be his family or my own family or friends, I am just not as social as he is and that is all it is. I love his family and spending time with them. I just dont want to spend every vacation hanging out with is family. When we do, I also take “down time” for myself, as I begin to feel drained from all the socializing. I have wished I was more lively, but since doing scholars, I am beginning to not compare myself to other people and more loving and accepting of who I am.
We also have two very special needs dogs that at this time, I am not comfortable leaving them again so soon, as we will be leaving them in the coming weeks for the wedding. SO, I told him I did not want to go. He kinda didn’t make it a big deal either. Normally, I would be feeling bad all day, guilty and worried about what he thinks, etc. But this time, I feel good in that I am taking care and being honest with myself and him. This is really a first. Establishing a boundary for myself and making that clear, lovingly without all the dancing around the topic and then getting pissed about it. Im working on how to communicate in this new way but I think the work… is working ?? I would appreciate ANY feedback and I just wanted to share my observation of myself. This is a pretty big thing for me… otherwise, I would be ruminating about it.