What does that version of you want in the moment instead?

Hello coaches, thank you for asking me more questions to break down why I am not following up with paying clients. Assuming I do know the answer, or I am curious what comes up for me when I’m flinching annoyed and flat out refusing to integrate my rebellious brat self with my badass lady boss. Why I’m not following up with paying clients or any potentials is because I am distracted and full of excuses. I’m still fighting the idea of transition with perfection and what if’s.

Then… still wrapping my head around your last response below:

8/30/21 Answer:
Evaluate this process of answering these questions. Notice what you learned about your unintentional mind.
Now take it to the next level.
For your answers to each of the questions, sort out each answer. Identify which words are circumstances, thoughts, feelings, and actions. Observe your reaction to this sorting.
Then, take it deeper. Go through these answers again and notice which words you use to describe your self concept (past you, current you, future you) or that you use to describe others. See if you can find the words that you use as labels for ideas, assumptions or concepts. Examples from your question are “smart”, “professional”, “stuck”, “understood”, “self-sabotage”, “excuses”, just to name a few. Make it a game to find all the ways your brain uses words to tell stories about yourself, other people and how the world works. What do all those words mean, specifically and to you? Notice that these stories are thoughts your brain may have practiced over and over and even believe to be true…yet they are still thoughts instead of circumstances.
The circumstance line is the one that is neutral and, in some cases, outside you and outside your control.
You get to choose how to manage the rest of your models.
With this self-reflection, are you starting to see your unintentional mind with more neutrality or acceptance? Is this helping you see where you have the power to decide and choose?
Enjoy the continued exploration!

My reaction to this going back to observe my response is that I don’t want to!
Just like I don’t want to take further responsibility for my new coaching business while wrestling out of my previous career- and don’t they support each other = niche?

I don’t want to do so many things I really want to do- like self care, yoga, painting, any physical movement, social media posts UGH
I don’t want to do my newsletter and sell my services- but I want to help people, provide value and marvel at what they accomplished because of my coaching them. And I want to earn. This feels like a “grow up, suck it up and be an adult” when I seem to be refusing. So what I make this mean is I’m exhausted fighting. Myself, healing, giving the neglected child in me a “suck it up” critical parent voice instead of fun, play, love and passion. And the whole journey exhausts me- not replenishing, can’t give from an empty cup…what am I not giving myself? Support. Yet here I am seeking support.