What if I don’t want to love someone?

Hi Brooke,

I had the great fortune of being coached by you back in my first month, January, about my boyfriend’s ex-wife who is diagnosed with both NPD and BPD and whom I’ve allowed to terrorize me for years. This week, I picked her as my relationship to work on. The thing is–I don’t want to feel love for her. I know you’ve said so many times that I’m the only one who benefits from the feeling of love, not her, but you’ve also said that there are times when we may not want to feel a positive emotion (like when someone dies, we choose to be sad because we want to be sad in that situation). I’ve thought about this for so long and feel like my work this week on her is not genuine. I don’t want to write her a letter. I would like to stay in my own integrity and right now I don’t WANT to love her. I don’t want to feel love for someone who does the things she does and behaves the way she behaves. What I do want is to not hate her and stop imagining her body torn apart by wolves (just kidding!!! sort of…) Is that okay for now?

Also, I’ve seen a lot of posts about NPD here–maybe you can do a podcast on personality disorders? The real, diagnosed, “this shit will f*ck you up if you don’t manage your mind” stuff?


PS: My bff in the whole world is going to be training with you to be a life coach. When I sent her your podcast six months ago, both of our lives changed forever. A million thank yous.