What would I have to believe…

I’m trying to decide on a workout routine. I just can’t, I hate every exercise, and the one I don’t hate I feel like won’t give me “results”. I’m having a hard time because I like the community in the gym, and all this covid nonsense has obviously ruined that. I’m in the worst shape of my life and I’m really upset about it, honestly.

I’ve been spinning around in circles for the last hour at least trying to find a workout plan that I’d both enjoy and that would get me results. In the past, I’ve liked Les Mills Body Pump, but now everything I read says to lift ‘heavier’ and les mills is about lighter weights.

Here’s the thing: I don’t like to workout ‘fast’. I just don’t. I like to take my time, I don’t want to rush through the transitions, I don’t want to do HIIT. If I want to do cardio, I’ll do cardio. But I don’t want to be out of breath while I weight train.

So, I’m frustrated, as always, and I’m getting fat. I am trying to see what’s going on with my model here.

F frustrated
A search for workout routines online, none are satisfactory, go to bed early, don’t clean the house, don’t pick a workout routine, don’t exercise

I guess I really don’t know what my thought is. I have so many. Here are some:

Nothing ever works. Body pump isn’t cool enough. I want more community. I want to be as fit as I used to be. I’ll never stick to any of these workout plans. I hate all of these. Body pump won’t give me the toning I want, it’s too light weight. I hate HIIT. None of these programs are what I want.

Maybe the thought is “none of these programs are what I want”?

I know I just have to pick something and stick with it, but I can’t, my schedule is a disaster, I hate how my tv connects to my phone, I don’t like my weights, I don’t want to have to wash my hair everyday, I can’t put a schedule together because I have way too many things to do and I already get up at 5, there are so many obstacles I just feel like I can’t overcome them. So I sit here, fatter than ever, hating myself. I honestly don’t know what to even do. I’m so tired of not sticking to my goals, but I honestly hate most of the exercises and only really enjoyed the sense of community I got from the gym.

But on the other hand I really do WANT to be able to workout. I have been trying to do the monday hour one thing and I’m just so tired, I guess I really just hate my life to be honest. I’m exhausted from hating my life so no wonder I don’t want to workout. But I’d really LIKE to workout. But if I workout in the morning before work, then I won’t have my focus time (which is at 5am), and that’s when I work on my masters degree before work, but if I don’t workout first thing in the morning, I won’t do it.

Honestly, why does this feel so difficult? I’m trying to think of what I’d need to believe in order to pick a workout plan and just stick to it.

I’m just too tired for everything. I’m ready to quit my job and move to Mexico and live on the beach, and I’m not even really joking. I went away for Thanksgiving, and because I was gone for four days I just can’t catch up because I’m too busy living a life I hate. This is all too overwhelming and I just want to sleep for days.