When we have Manuals for our kids

I just recognized in writing out what wasn’t great about yesterday that I have Manuals for my children. My son got angrily triggered at his tennis lesson and reacted by not playing well on purpose. I could see this and thought how he “should” shake it off and/or use those feelings to play harder, not to stop playing. He is 13, and while I can see that I cannot change who he is, I still feel a responsibility to ‘teach’ him alternate ways to use the energy when he gets upset. Where do I draw the boundary line when it comes to my children? He is still forming his beliefs about the world. Do I really just show him the example of how I’m living my life? (because I’m still a work in progress and don’t always get the results I want yet) I feel like kids need more coaching from parents than the adults in my life. I didn’t bring it up with him but then feel like I missed out on an opportunity to teach him methods of handling his emotions and thoughts that could make him feel better. I do play your podcasts in the car when he’s with me without discussing them in the hopes that somewhere beneath his stoic exterior he is listening!! Thanks!