Whoa that’s not what I was expecting

Hi Brooke, I was going through the homework this morning and had some thoughts come up. Here is my model:
C: Chatting with fiancés family
T: I just want them to love me.
F: Needy
A: Notice how they respond to something I say, not always say what I feel, say what I think they would want to me to say, not be myself, beat myself up if I said something wrong, look for validation
R: Not show up as me

So I asked myself why and here is what my mind responded with – Why do I want them to love me? Because I’m not good at loving myself, why? because I don’t approve of myself, why? Because something is wrong with me, why? Because my mom wasn’t there for me.

So I get to this point and I think well that’s interesting. So I want people to love me because I don’t love myself because I didn’t feel overly loved or nurtured by my mom.

SO interesting – I know I want to start changing it. Does it mean I still do work around myself and also my mom? Or do I move the the direction of showing compassion to myself and loving and nurturing me? The thought that something is wrong with me feels so true. I just need to allow it right now right?