I feel like I’m failing with my son. He spends so much time in his room by himself playing video games. He sometimes seems happy- laughing, etc. with online friends but other times seems a bit depressed and agitated. I’m torn between adding more control/ structure and just letting him be. He told me that he wishes he didn’t want to play video games so much. I know there is an addictive quality to his game playing and have lots of evidence for that. I want him to get outside, play, get sunshine, be responsible, engage with the family, feel loved, and have a rich, full life. I worry he will have a flat life, be depressed, lonely. Do I have control over that? Maybe at this age? Worry about feeling guilt in the future for allowing these habits to take root.
C: 12 year old son alone in his room playing video games
T: I shouldn’t let him do this
A: Ruminate, check on him frequently, coddle, try to get him to open up by asking questions
R: I’m letting him do this?
Intentional Model- I asked myself, “How do I Want to Feel?”:
C: 12-year old son alone in his room playing video games
T: He’s enjoying his time and being who he is
F: Confident in my parenting
A: Might set up more structure (ie: limits on video game time, outside time) from a place of love versus fear, let him be who he is, stop coddling, enjoy him instead of trying to change him
R: I’m enjoying my time as his mom?
Struggling a bit with both models. Taking this to a 20-minute session but need help in the meantime. Any support would be appreciated!